WE’RE BACK, BABY!

I really like the meta joke of Will time passing at a different rate in the comic as in the real world, and Will being the only one feeling the actual time between updates. And what a time it was! 10 Months away, but still alive and kicking. I told you I was working on a return. Thanks for having faith that we’d return. I promise this will not happen again.

Unfortunately, for the forseeable future, I can only say we’ll update once a week on Tuesdays. The Tuesday/Thursday schedule was just too demanding, and the second I switched to it, my problems began. Yes, the comic will progress much slower again, but it’s better than not progressing at all, like it did for the bulk of the past year.

Honestly, I really lost myself for a bit there. A lot happened in the time I was away.

In the last page’s update, I mentioned the RTNY. I’ve since cut most ties with the group. I wasn’t really a fan of the group dynamic. It was a group about only a few core members (all others being ultimately just padding for their numbers), and I really didn’t have anything in common with most of them, unfortunately. While I tried tirelessly to connect with them on levels besides our mutual interest in Rooster Teeth, it was abundantly clear that it was all we had in common, and all they wanted to have in common. In the end, I dubbed it more toxic than healthy, and walked away.

In our first post-hiatus blog, I mentioned transitioning from Pier 1 to LaGuardia airport, working for a catering company being their stock runner in one of the terminals. That job was exhausting, and really broke me emotionally. The work was so meaningless, and despite being good at it, it did nothing for me creatively. Coming home each night, too tired to work on my comic eventually got to me, and the job was psychologically killing me.

During my time at the airport, I started dating someone who I really fell for named Dalin. Personality-wise, Dalin was everything I thought I wanted in someone. She shared my interests, she found me funny and attractive, she respected my boundaries and my weekly obsessions. I thought I was really in love. I let her into my heart—she was the first person I truly let in since Erin and I split up over two years ago (I kind of kept myself closed to Jessica during our relationship).

In December I quit the Airport. Well, I kind of ragequit. The way the airport was managed was kind of a nightmare, and at times, I felt I was the only one among my co-workers taking it seriously. It took a tragedy in my family for me to just call it quits. I called in one day, told them I wouldn’t be returning, showed up to fill out some paperwork, and never looked back. Dalin disapproved, but supported me, knowing how much the job affected me emotionally… Or so I thought.

I tried for the next few months to get a job as a graphic designer. “I won’t settle for anything less,” I told myself, as I struggled. I went on two job interviews, both of which went nowhere. Dalin held me when I fell, and cheered me on when I stood up. After a wonderful birthday and a pretty good Valentine’s Day, Dalin started dodging my calls and texts. When we finally reconnected, we had a long talk. I was unemployed and depressed, and in my own words, a directionless loser who couldn’t support myself if I tried. She listed a bunch of arbitrary traits her ideal partner should have, and then dumped me because the grass wasn’t green enough. I’m not going to air out my dirty laundry here, but in the end, she was not who she told me she was, and the support she had for me turned out to be a lie—I found out later that her foot was in the door the second I left the airport. I’ve been bitter about that…

After Dalin left, (and I mean, literally the next day), I interviewed and got a job working for a local pharmacy/grocery store. The pay is good (only 50¢ less than the airport), and due to my customer service, I’m already working almost as much as I was at the airport. Only difference is that it pays bi-weekly, so at the very least I’m learning to budget myself. I love this job. It’s simple—it’s basic, minimal retail, but I’m good at it. It gives me confidence. I talk to people and hold myself highly.

But I’ve been pretty low at times these past two months. Dalin really shattered something in me when she walked away. I’ve lost a lot of my confidence and self-worth. Every day is a struggle again. The nights are the hardest, feeling alone even though I have plenty of friends offering shoulders to cry on. I’ve contemplated suicide a lot more than I feel comfortable admitting. But I have too much that I’d lose. Too many stories to tell that no one else knows. But it’s still concerning that that demon sits on my shoulders once again.

But losing her lit something else in me. I started drawing again. I began an art tumblr (warning: Some NSFW content). And I started working on Waking Up Dead again, enough that I can honestly update again and feel comfortable about it.

I’m also looking actively into moving out of my parents’ house. Right now, things are up in the air as to the details, but I’m saving as much money as I can, including a massive tax refund (I DID MY OWN TAXES! I AM AN ADULT!) in the hopes that I can find a place with some friends.

A lot is changing in my life. A lot has already changed.

For now, let’s enjoy the comic.

I’ll see you lovely people next Tuesday. Damn, did I miss saying that.